Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Is Flomax Right for YOU???

I only ask because the informative tv ads for Flomax detail the "male urinary symptoms due to BPH (Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia)," which, son of a gun, you can control with Flomax.

Near as I can remember them, these are the key symptoms:

Going often;

Feeling the sudden need to go frequently;

Going urgently;

Weak stream;

Getting up to get to go when you feel that urgent call to go;

Getting up at night to go;

Going once you get up at night;

Staying up once you've gotten up to go, then going again;

Finding that in the middle of events, you need to go;

Excessive or unrewarding going;

Driving, but finding that suddenly you have an urge to go;

Needing to go when you’re just trying to read something.;

Wanting to stay, but finding it hard to explain that your really need to go;


If any of these sound familiar, they make the crazy suggestion that you should "talk to your doctor." Also, be sure to tell your doctor if you have a goiter, have been thinking about having a goiter, or find that thinking about goiters intensifies your need to go.

Friday, June 08, 2007

I Love Paris in the Springtime

Let's review the judge's original sentencing form for Paris Hilton, and see where the misunderstanding began.
Oh, I see. Yes, very gray area there...

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Hello I’m Wolf Blitzer, and this is CNN, home of The Best Political Team on TV (registered trademark). Tonight, a special remix of the Democratic and Republican debates. With me are Larry King, Anderson Cooper, Candy Crowley, and John King, the Best Political Team on TV TM . We have a forty point bonus question coming; here’s the toss up… Governor Huckabee?

Huckabee: Was it the Malachites?

Blitzer: Please let me ask a question. As we meet tonight in New Hampshire… Senator Biden?

Biden: Eric, first I want to thank you and your family for your service and your sacrifice.

Blitzer: Please, everyone…hands off your buzzers. Let me ask the first question. How, if at all, would you change the direction of our nation’s efforts in Iraq? Senator McCain?

McCain: Well, I also want to thank Eric and his family for their service and their sacrifice. And I want to thank the people of New Hamsphire for welcoming us for a candid discussion of the issues. In Iraq…

Blitzer: Thank you, Senator…

McCain: I just want to say we can’t simply leave the country in its current condition, and…

Blitzer: I’m sorry Senator…

McCain: AndthatIhaveafivepartplanto…

Blitzer: Senator Dodd?

Dodd: Well, in terms of thanking, I also want to…

Blitzer: Senator Dodd, what about our Iraq, policy?

Dodd: Well, deploying an army without regard for the various concerns that should be regarded in this dangerous region is penultimate to visiting wrath upon those who would have us…

Blitzer: Congressman Kucinich?

Kucinich: First, I want to say whatever will most annoy the centrists in this country. I’m not saying I believe in surrendering in Iraq and running home crying, but if saying that is the least politically helpful thing I can say, I’d like to say that right now.

Blitzer: Senator Brownback, you had something ?

Brownback: Yes, Wolf, even if it jeopardizes the life of the mother. Because when the end times come…

Blitzer: By a show of hands, how many of you support our current course of action in Iraq? Governor Romney?

Romney: No, I believe this war has been ill-advised, but I believe in a right to life, and while I know such issues trouble Mayor Giuliani, I am not going to distance myself from my religion.

Giuliani: Wolf? Excuse me. Wolf?

Kucinich: Wouldn’t this be a horrible time to declare myself a Wiccan?

Giuliani: Wolf? Excuse me. Wolf?

Blitzer: Senator Clinton, I believe that earlier you were telling Candy Crowley, part of the Best Political Team on TV TM, about the…?

Clinton: Yes, I was just thinking back on Eric’s family and their wonderful sacrifice that has made our nation stronger. Y’know, Wolf, when I was in the White House, where the President lives, for eight years, I did some very important things, for people of all races, nationalities, colors, shapes and configuration, and I take delight…

Giuliani: Wolf…excuse me, Wolf?

Blitzer: Mayor Giuliani?

Giuliani: I believe Governor Mormon has just called me a communist. Certainly, in all the time that America was under attack, and I lobbed grenades at the oncoming threat, saving our nation, and vowing to live to fight another day, nobody questioned my orientations. We’re fighting a bizarre and misguided war in Iraq, and it’s the best thing that ever happened to us. We’re a safer nation because of it. All is well. I am here. And as far as the right to life is concerned, if 9/11 courage doesn’t prove my belief in 9/11 life, then I’m not standing here today, wearing this lovely american flag as a reminder of how grateful I am…

Blitzer: Thank you… Congressman Tancredo?

Tancredo: Here we go, down that same road, of idiots spending tons of money to stroke their own egos. As President, I’d guarantee that we’d all have the right to shoot any such idiot.

Blitzer: Thank you, Congressman Tancredo. Congressman Paul, what role would your administration have for CNN’s leading-man handsome John Roberts?

Paul: I can’t believe it. You’re actually talking to me. Well…

Blitzer: Thank you Congressman. Senator Obama?

Obama: Well, on Iraq, which I believe was the original question, Senator Edwards is forgetting my 47 point plan which addresses all the needs of everyone who’s ever been in Iraq, and anyone who’s ever played chess. Speaking of which, queen’s knight to bishops four, Congressman Paul. Check.

Blitzer: Senator Edwards, would you like to respond to that?

Edwards: Y’know, poor people don’t care that we’re all up here in our fancy suits, drinking our icewater from fancy glasses. They want help. They want help with health care, with employment…

Blitzer: And on Iraq?

Edwards: This is a misguided, ill-advised, dunderheaded, dangerous, bunglebrained,…

Brownback: Oh, the Lord just loves hearing you attack the righteous. He’s laughing at you big time, slugger.

Huckabee: See that’s where we’re misguided. We should be judgmental and narrow-minded, but in a benign and disorienting way.

Clinton: As I was telling Nelson Mandela at a screening of “The American President”…

Dodd: Insofar as policy decisions have corrosive potential within our biosphere, I’d have to say that more considerations must be made, serious considerations…

Blitzer: When we come back, WMUR’s Jennifer Vaughn will tell members of our studio audience what their names are and where they’re from. Then later, a six- hour sweat lodge with The Best Damn Political Team on TV TM. This is CNN, the Most Trusted Name in News TM, Where America Shops For Value TM.

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