Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Universal Theme Park Reveals Flaming Ape Attraction

Spurred on by the free publicity and sellout crowds that followed the destruction of its landmark King Kong, Universal Studios says the Kong attraction will be replaced “Kong, the Flaming Giant Monkey!” in which the King of the Apes will constantly catch fire.

Stacy Colangelo, vice president for public relations, told reporters, it’s the next logical addition to the fun at Universal. “People come to Universal for the thrill of safely experiencing tragedies-- Earthquakes, floods, twisters, and avalanches. Every day, thousands of visitors suffer through the devastation of fire on our ‘Backdraft’ ride; think of this as ‘Backdraft 2: Smells Like Monkey.’ It’s fun, because it’s dangerous.”

Monday, June 16, 2008

NBA’s Internal Memos Reveal Film Anxiety

In a surprising move, NBA Commissioner David J. Stern today released selected portions of the league office’s internal correspondence, in response to a request from lawyers for disgraced NBA referee Tim Donaghy.

The emails and memos disclose no new evidence about alleged “game-fixing,” but did reveal that league officials spent many hours in committee meetings trying to decide which upcoming movie the NBA Finals most resemble.

One sample memo reads: Clearly, Boston v Cleveland = ‘Indiana Jones and the Whatever it is This Time,’ but Lakers-San Antonio might be more like ‘Sex in the City,’ or ‘Das Boot.’

It was, in fact, 3 pm EDT on June 5, 2008, just hours before game one, when the league reached its finding the the Finals would most resemble “Hancock.”

Fan’s Final Decision: Lakers

Marc Sundstrum, a 23-year-old shift manager at Lucky’s in Harborville, Illinois, has finally chosen to root for the Los Angeles Lakers, in the NBA finals, against the Boston Celtics.

“In the first coupla games, I was thinking Celtics,” Sundstrum acknowledged. “When they introduced the Lakers, there was no music behind them at all, so I didn’t know how to feel about them. Meanwhile, when Boston came out, the arena got dark, and then there was stirring, rhythmic music that made me proud of America, and excited about the action yet to come.”

When the action shifted to Los Angeles, Sundstrum, says, “All of a sudden, the Celtics looked very humdrum, kinda ordinary, without the lights and music. But once they were introduced, the Staples Center went dark, and, along with the smoke and the lights, there was stirring rhythmic music that made me proud of America, and excited about the action yet to come.”

The series returns to Boston Tuesday night.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Iron Man

(126 minutes, color)

Robert Downey, Jr. (Robert Downey, Jr.) goes through rehab in the desert, including healing with magnets, then a couple more times in Malibu (Malibu, California), each time a little sweatier and a little more life-threatening.

Finally, he gets that massive drug monkey (Jeff Bridges) off his back, and finds a woman who loves him and sees right through his nonsense (Gwyneth Paltrow). And he rebuilds himself so he can never be hurt again.
Cocaine: Jon Favreau.