News Headlines

Gracious Acting Veteran Alan Arkin Nabs Oscar, Saying, "Thank you, Norbit!!"

Obama, Clinton March "Together and Apart" in Selma, as Legendary Civil Rights Figures Form Protective Buffer Zone

In Jerusalem, Director James Cameron Untombs Massive Ego

Deer Rescued From Highway; Driver Said, "It had that George Bush in Headlights Look"

Stefani Tops Charts With Latest, "I've Got a Pwobwem With My Tic Toc Bing Bang"

Gang of Astronomy Street Toughs, Having Rubbed Out Pluto, Seen Bothering Neptune at Recess