Jackson joins with Planters to Rein in Obama

The Reverend Jesse Jackson has joined Kraft Foods subsidiary Planters Nuts to restrict the consumption habits of Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama.

Jackson says, a candidate’s eating habits must be closely monitored during a long campaign. “Voters prefer a trim and fit physique. With the fat content in cashews, peanuts, almonds, and other nut and legume products, the often sedentary lifestyle of politicians makes them vulnerable to massive weight gain.”

Planters Vice President for Operations Tracy Handsler told reporters:

“We thank the Reverend Jackson for bringing our attention to this issue. As of today, Senator Obama will not be eligible to consume a filbert, a pecan, or a walnut, or for that matter any kind of nut.
“We’re in the awkward position of a neighborhood bartender who wants to make the customer happy, but at some point has to say, ‘sorry pal, we’re cutting your nuts off.’”