Headlines From the Campaign Trail:

“Clinton Can’t Win; Obama Can’t Close”

“Obama Adviser Fired for ‘Little Blonde Troglodyte’ Remark”

“Clinton Publicist Promoted for Capitalizing on “Troglodyte” Remark”

“Barack, Hillary Debate in Philadelphia; Troglodytes March Outside in Protest”

“Obama Staffer Offended by Clinton Supporter’s Indignation Over Obama’s Criticism of Clinton’s Finger-Wagging About Obama’s Cousin’s Blog Entry”

“Disaffected Feminist Soccer Moms Refuse to Bond with Effete Dismissive Lexus Drivers”

“Candidates Sign Spouse Non-Proliferation Pact”

“McCain Visits General Store; Sips Sasparilla”
“Hillary’s Alien Baby Battles Barack’s Laser-Eyed Jackie Onassis Look Alike”