Obama Orders Lunch

Democratic front-runner Barack Obama ordered lunch today, in front of over 60,000 supporters at Lincoln Financial Field, in Philadelphia.

Mary’s Place Restaurant and Catering, of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, was reconstructed, straddling the fifty-yard line at the official stadium of the Philadelphia Eagles.

Wendy Marder, a Mary’s Place server, asked the senator, “What would you like to have first?”

Unfazed, Obama replied, “Wendy, this is not about what I’m going to have first. It’s about people all over this country, in big towns and small-- from the purple mountains majesty, to the neighborhoods where people struggle to be heard -- it’s about all of us coming first, for the first time in a long time... How are the scallops?”

After a roar from the crowd, Marder informed Senator Obama that the scallops were “delicious.”

The senator ordered them, along with “a turkey melt, piled so high, and cooked so gently, that all Americans who are hungry will sit at this table, at a place reserved just for them, not for the old bitter Arkansas-style barbecue of the past, but for a new sandwich of consensus, where the cheese joins with the turkey, where the onions drip onto the bread. Because a sandwich divided cannot stand."

After a five minute standing ovation, Marder replied, “Oh, it’s a pretty good sandwich.”

For dessert, Obama set a new precedent, declaring, “Wendeh, surprise me.”

An aide just then appeared, reminding the senator that Pennsylvania is north of the Mason Dixon line. Obama swiftly made the adjustment.

“Wendy, surprise me. Because, whether it’s Mary’s famous Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Pie, Pineapple Mandarin Orange Cake, or one of the many surprises you bake every day here, or even if it’s a dish of sherbet, it’s important that each one of us gets to give voice to their creative spirit.

“And so, this afternoon, four score and seven minutes since we left the tarmac, it falls upon your shoulders, Wendy, to help us create a new nation, conceived in Liberty and allowing all bakers, chefs, waitstaff, and good old law abiding citizens, to innovate and bring whatever dessert they find it in their hearts to share.”

The crowd once again erupted, this time joined by a glittering Lincoln Financial Field fireworks display, after which Obama added,

"This is my meal, but I pledge today, that this meal will last as long as I serve in the Oval Office. Because I'll be there for you.

"I'll be all around in the dark. I'll be everywhere, wherever you can look. Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beating up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be there in the way kids laugh when they're hungry an' they know supper's ready. And when the people are eating the stuff they raise and living in the houses they build, I'll be there too."