Greenspan substantiates Oscar claim

Just weeks after leaving his post as chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, economist Alan Greenspan has completed new statistical research in support of a thesis expressed by Oscar-winning musical group Three 6 Mafia.

Greenspan claims, it is, indeed, hard out here for a pimp.

The former Fed chairman’s new treatise, “Net Gain Analysis: A Case Study of Regulation-Free Western Markets, 2003” notes that “…where vendors operate outside the of legal constraints, unstable overhead costs are brought to bear on investors, regardless of the benefits of functioning in a regulation-free environment.”

Greenspan’s wife, NBC’s Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent Andrea Mitchell, has told close friends that, “Alan enjoys the vitality of life on the ground floor. He’s a lot more ‘street’ than you might think—and I don’t just mean ‘Wall.’ Ooh. Snaps over here. Let me jot that one down.”

The Greenspan study, to be published in the September-October 2006 issue of The Journal of Socio-Economics, maintains that “while great attention is paid to the potential unassessed and untaxed income, other concerns for the lawless economy abound.”

In the specific case of pimps, the award-winning economist states, “When we examine third quarter indicators for fiscal year 2003, we see across-the-board growth in expenditures, while revenues remained flat. Items such as security, wardrobe and health care skyrocketed.”

Critics of the study claim Greenspan entirely neglects the economic dynamics for hos, saying that it might be, in fact, just as hard, if not harder for that labor group.

But when a reporter, Newsnow.com’s Diane Basil, confronted Greenspan on that very point, the economics PhD was ready for the criticism, and challenged Basil’s assumption. “Why you wanna be all up in my face like that? Did I say it’s easy for a ho? Did I? Hold on, hold on. Did—I –say—it’s—easy—for—a—ho? I need your eyes, girl. Did I?”

“No. No you didn’t,” Basil replied.

“All right then,” said Mr. Greenspan, reclaiming the “street cred” many felt might have eroded during his long tenure, regulating America’s money supply.