Barack is the BOmb!!!

Hi there, Obama fans!

So nice to see so many of you here!

Just a few messages before you go back to your chat rooms.

Just for the teens and twenty somethings, hey, we’re all really flattered that you’ve decided to pay attention to what’s going on outside your laptop. What a relief that politics are cool! Please enjoy the whole ride. If for some reason, you don’t lock up the nomination, thanks for visiting the Democratic Party!

If, as expected Barack (Oooh! He’s so dreeeeamy!) captures the nomination, don’t forget to take a moment to stop calling Hillary every #@$!%-ed up name you can think of. First off, you really have no idea who she is! Just that she’s not Barack!! And second, guess whose help you’re gonna need to win the general campaign? No, not Lily Allen…nope, Hillary supporters! How f-ed up is that! OMG!!

Also, kids, if you do win the general election (fingers crossed!), thanks for visiting the political arena. Drive home safely. Now that you’ve elected a cool President, you can go back to ignoring matters that might involve conflict, and avoiding or ignoring people who disagree with you. ‘Cause they’re sooo negative!

If you’re a Governor of a State, or a Senator or Representative, who decided to go with Obama because your daughter or son told you to, that is just so sweet I don’t know where to begin. Thanks!

Listen, while we have a moment, could you give us your child’s opinion on health care, our relationship with China, our fiscal policy, how to deal with the two Koreas, how to extricate ourselves from Iraq and do the least possible damage, and a short list of Supreme Court nominees? Thanks! And good luck on that Trig quiz! Those are tough.

And finally, if you’re one of those supercool folks who’s joined the Obama campaign, because all of us are going to come together and solve all our problems, could you tell me, when we unite together, including people who didn’t vote for Obama (right…losers!), what are we going to do together?

Since it’s not about race, and it’s not about age, and it’s not about red states and blue states, and it's not about Barack, who is it about? And when he says, “Our time has come,” whose time is it?

That’d be awesome to know. Also, just for my own information—I hate missing the big news stories—when did the Republican Party announce their surrender?

Anyway, no worries. I’m sure everything’ll be just fine from now on.