Please tell me this isn’t happening.

Democrats in Florida and Michigan decided to move up their Presidential primaries to earlier dates in the calendar, like about 20 other states this year. The Democratic National Committee said, “if you do that, we won’t count your delegates.”

I know what you’re thinking. “But hold on—they’re ALL Democrats. SURELY, they can work out a compromise.”

They didn’t.

So the states held the primaries anyway, with the knowledge that the votes wouldn’t count.

Nobody campaigned. In Michigan, most of the candidates didn’t even appear on the ballot.

Hillary Clinton got the most votes in each primary. So, of course, people from her campaign tried to make the case that the party should count the votes and award the states their delegates, a total of 367 new delegates.

There’s no way it was going to happen, but they had to try.

There’s been talk of a revote, a “do-over,” but that’s not going to happen. Because a “do-over” would cost 37 million dollars, and the Democratic Party would have to spend it, instead of using the money in the general election against John McCain.

Okay, so don’t count those primary votes.

Fine. But there’s one problem. However you do the math, the Democrats will want to win Michigan and Florida in November. It certainly helps their chances if the rank and file members of the Democratic party, and the voters of those states, get to have their say in the nominating process.

To have a convention without delegates from Michigan and Florida, states with a total of 44 electoral votes, just about a sixth of the 270 you need to win, would be a terrible strategic move.

Someone better figure out something.

But for now, two quotes come to mind. The first one is an old joke. “President Nixon is a corrupt, vicious warmonger. If he were running against anyone but the Democrats, he’d have no chance at all.”
The second one goes back to comedy great Will Rogers. “I am not a member of any organized party — I am a Democrat.”

Who are we, the Hillary Democrats?

We are an alliance, of people of all ages and backgrounds, who have fought, are fighting and will fight, against racism, sexism, and any “ism” that limits opportunities for any American.

To be honest, we’re a little confused, that after our digging in and battling against those evils, someone lectures us by saying, “My God, you’re divisive. My goodness gracious, you must be from the ‘old politics’” -- of standing up for what is right, instead of making sure we’re in a group hug with these right wing demagogues. These are the same people who wanted to get rid of social security, and lied about it, claiming that Franklin Delano Roosevelt wanted to do the exact same thing. And now, they’re going to surrender and join together.

We Clinton supporters believe in working with our adversaries to create positive change, wherever that’s possible. But we also believe in confronting those adversaries, when they want to slash important programs even as they run up huge deficits, sending us back to before Franklin Roosevelt to the 1920s, a time of starving children, nonexistent health care, 16 hour workdays, and abandoned senior citizens in poor houses.

We understand that changes may take a while. The first time national health care was proposed, the idea was dismissed as crazy radical politics, just like social security, eight hour workdays, child labor laws, even the idea of spending federal money on some nonsensical idea called the Internet.

All of these dreams have come true. And every time we work for complete health coverage in this country, more and more people from every background realize that we must do it. Now, thanks to efforts like Senator Clinton’s, people are gradually coming around. Businesses are begging for some system that provides insurance, but doesn’t bleed their companies dry.

Our families, all across this country, cry out for health coverage, because they want do whatever they can to take care of Grandma and Grandpa, but not at the expense of cancelling their children’s future.

And by the way, we’re proud of any wear and tear you might see on our faces. We earned those marks, fighting for a better America.

We won’t be lectured about “bringing people together,” because we’ve tried that route already. When a new President, in the wake of the most vicious attacks on America, told us our country was about to be attacked again, we could have been divisive. Say, make a speech in a state legislature somewhere.

But Senator Clinton actually chose the route that Senator Obama is advocating now. In the spirit of unity, she decided, maybe we should all join together, instead of making political points. Maybe we should reach out across the aisle in the spirit of unity. Any President, in time of crisis, should be able to depend on our support.

The fact is, we didn’t know that the Administration we were trusting had invented the crisis, that this President planned to attack Iraq before he ever took office, and that the top secret briefings we got, had been prepared by Dr. Seuss.

You can’t have it both ways. Tell us to unite, and then attack us for doing so.

A large majority of Americans supported this President when the Iraq wore began, because they too believed in reaching out in unity, and they believed that our President wouldn't go to war without good reason. Hundreds of thousands of men and women are in harm’s way right now because after a divisive election, and the murderous crimes of 9/11, we took our President seriously.

That’s unity. That’s coming together. And we’re all paying the price.

Senator Obama says the difference is, he’ll be “right from day one.” He’ll have “good ideas” instead of the previous “bad ideas.” That’s just not true. Because I checked the Constitution. It still says, to qualify to run for president, you have to be a “human being.”

That means, every president will make mistakes. But with the wisdom of experience, domestically and internationally, Senator Hillary Clinton will steer this great country to peace, prosperity, and greater opportunity for all Americans. How do we know she can do this? Because someone named Clinton accomplished the very same things in the 1990’s, and Hillary helped make it happen.

That’s who we are. We're the people who believe in results. We believe in Democratic principles. And we know that Senator Hillary Clinton will deliver those results for every American.

Barack is the BOmb!!!

Hi there, Obama fans!

So nice to see so many of you here!

Just a few messages before you go back to your chat rooms.

Just for the teens and twenty somethings, hey, we’re all really flattered that you’ve decided to pay attention to what’s going on outside your laptop. What a relief that politics are cool! Please enjoy the whole ride. If for some reason, you don’t lock up the nomination, thanks for visiting the Democratic Party!

If, as expected Barack (Oooh! He’s so dreeeeamy!) captures the nomination, don’t forget to take a moment to stop calling Hillary every #@$!%-ed up name you can think of. First off, you really have no idea who she is! Just that she’s not Barack!! And second, guess whose help you’re gonna need to win the general campaign? No, not Lily Allen…nope, Hillary supporters! How f-ed up is that! OMG!!

Also, kids, if you do win the general election (fingers crossed!), thanks for visiting the political arena. Drive home safely. Now that you’ve elected a cool President, you can go back to ignoring matters that might involve conflict, and avoiding or ignoring people who disagree with you. ‘Cause they’re sooo negative!

If you’re a Governor of a State, or a Senator or Representative, who decided to go with Obama because your daughter or son told you to, that is just so sweet I don’t know where to begin. Thanks!

Listen, while we have a moment, could you give us your child’s opinion on health care, our relationship with China, our fiscal policy, how to deal with the two Koreas, how to extricate ourselves from Iraq and do the least possible damage, and a short list of Supreme Court nominees? Thanks! And good luck on that Trig quiz! Those are tough.

And finally, if you’re one of those supercool folks who’s joined the Obama campaign, because all of us are going to come together and solve all our problems, could you tell me, when we unite together, including people who didn’t vote for Obama (right…losers!), what are we going to do together?

Since it’s not about race, and it’s not about age, and it’s not about red states and blue states, and it's not about Barack, who is it about? And when he says, “Our time has come,” whose time is it?

That’d be awesome to know. Also, just for my own information—I hate missing the big news stories—when did the Republican Party announce their surrender?

Anyway, no worries. I’m sure everything’ll be just fine from now on.

Obama Responds to Us

Below, you can read our letter to all the Democrats campaigning for the nomination. Barack Obama is the only candidate who has responded. The simple fact that he's responded tells me that:

a) he has an excellent organization, capable of responding to smaller groups in the midst of the campaign frenzy;

b) he's serious about having civilized discourse with those who disagree with him.

Hello I’m Wolf Blitzer, and this is CNN, home of The Best Political Team on TV (registered trademark). Tonight, a special remix of the Democratic and Republican debates. With me are Larry King, Anderson Cooper, Candy Crowley, and John King, the Best Political Team on TV TM . We have a forty point bonus question coming; here’s the toss up… Governor Huckabee?

Huckabee: Was it the Malachites?

Blitzer: Please let me ask a question. As we meet tonight in New Hampshire… Senator Biden?

Biden: Eric, first I want to thank you and your family for your service and your sacrifice.

Blitzer: Please, everyone…hands off your buzzers. Let me ask the first question. How, if at all, would you change the direction of our nation’s efforts in Iraq? Senator McCain?

McCain: Well, I also want to thank Eric and his family for their service and their sacrifice. And I want to thank the people of New Hamsphire for welcoming us for a candid discussion of the issues. In Iraq…

Blitzer: Thank you, Senator…

McCain: I just want to say we can’t simply leave the country in its current condition, and…

Blitzer: I’m sorry Senator…

McCain: AndthatIhaveafivepartplanto…

Blitzer: Senator Dodd?

Dodd: Well, in terms of thanking, I also want to…

Blitzer: Senator Dodd, what about our Iraq, policy?

Dodd: Well, deploying an army without regard for the various concerns that should be regarded in this dangerous region is penultimate to visiting wrath upon those who would have us…

Blitzer: Congressman Kucinich?

Kucinich: First, I want to say whatever will most annoy the centrists in this country. I’m not saying I believe in surrendering in Iraq and running home crying, but if saying that is the least politically helpful thing I can say, I’d like to say that right now.

Blitzer: Senator Brownback, you had something ?

Brownback: Yes, Wolf, even if it jeopardizes the life of the mother. Because when the end times come…

Blitzer: By a show of hands, how many of you support our current course of action in Iraq? Governor Romney?

Romney: No, I believe this war has been ill-advised, but I believe in a right to life, and while I know such issues trouble Mayor Giuliani, I am not going to distance myself from my religion.

Giuliani: Wolf? Excuse me. Wolf?

Kucinich: Wouldn’t this be a horrible time to declare myself a Wiccan?

Giuliani: Wolf? Excuse me. Wolf?

Blitzer: Senator Clinton, I believe that earlier you were telling Candy Crowley, part of the Best Political Team on TV TM, about the…?

Clinton: Yes, I was just thinking back on Eric’s family and their wonderful sacrifice that has made our nation stronger. Y’know, Wolf, when I was in the White House, where the President lives, for eight years, I did some very important things, for people of all races, nationalities, colors, shapes and configuration, and I take delight…

Giuliani: Wolf…excuse me, Wolf?

Blitzer: Mayor Giuliani?

Giuliani: I believe Governor Mormon has just called me a communist. Certainly, in all the time that America was under attack, and I lobbed grenades at the oncoming threat, saving our nation, and vowing to live to fight another day, nobody questioned my orientations. We’re fighting a bizarre and misguided war in Iraq, and it’s the best thing that ever happened to us. We’re a safer nation because of it. All is well. I am here. And as far as the right to life is concerned, if 9/11 courage doesn’t prove my belief in 9/11 life, then I’m not standing here today, wearing this lovely american flag as a reminder of how grateful I am…

Blitzer: Thank you… Congressman Tancredo?

Tancredo: Here we go, down that same road, of idiots spending tons of money to stroke their own egos. As President, I’d guarantee that we’d all have the right to shoot any such idiot.

Blitzer: Thank you, Congressman Tancredo. Congressman Paul, what role would your administration have for CNN’s leading-man handsome John Roberts?

Paul: I can’t believe it. You’re actually talking to me. Well…

Blitzer: Thank you Congressman. Senator Obama?

Obama: Well, on Iraq, which I believe was the original question, Senator Edwards is forgetting my 47 point plan which addresses all the needs of everyone who’s ever been in Iraq, and anyone who’s ever played chess. Speaking of which, queen’s knight to bishops four, Congressman Paul. Check.

Blitzer: Senator Edwards, would you like to respond to that?

Edwards: Y’know, poor people don’t care that we’re all up here in our fancy suits, drinking our icewater from fancy glasses. They want help. They want help with health care, with employment…

Blitzer: And on Iraq?

Edwards: This is a misguided, ill-advised, dunderheaded, dangerous, bunglebrained,…

Brownback: Oh, the Lord just loves hearing you attack the righteous. He’s laughing at you big time, slugger.

Huckabee: See that’s where we’re misguided. We should be judgmental and narrow-minded, but in a benign and disorienting way.

Clinton: As I was telling Nelson Mandela at a screening of “The American President”…

Dodd: Insofar as policy decisions have corrosive potential within our biosphere, I’d have to say that more considerations must be made, serious considerations…

Blitzer: When we come back, WMUR’s Jennifer Vaughn will tell members of our studio audience what their names are and where they’re from. Then later, a six- hour sweat lodge with The Best Damn Political Team on TV TM. This is CNN, the Most Trusted Name in News TM, Where America Shops For Value TM.