News Headlines:

Mac Dweebs Identify With Cool "Mac Guy," on “Mac-PC” Ads

Iran Says No Violation; “That Depends on What Your Definition of ‘Exploding Thermonuclear Device’ Is”

New “Air Passenger’s Bill of Rights” to Include “No Seatback in Front of You Crushing Your Sternum”

Emphatic Denial: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Anna Nicole Smith Not Mentioned in Headline Just to Drive Traffic to This Website

Hollywood Starlets Announce Oscar Party Standard for Hook Up: Best Supporting Nomination or Better

Today's Headlines:

Judge in Anna Nicole Smith Case: Bury the Attorneys

NBA’s Allen Iverson: I’m Not Gay, But I Once Took a Six-Foot Jumper in San Antonio That Looked Kinda Gay

President Bush Announces Plan to Send “Real” Surge of 50,000 Troops; Insists Congress Must Supply, Protect and Fully Arm Security Force Deployed in Iraq to Support Supplies for Surge Force, and Fully Arm and Supply New “Real” Surge Forces in Addition to Original Surge Forces and Troops There Before Either Surge

With Forehead Botox Treatment, CBS’s Couric Resembles Either Fierce Tiger, or Front End of Sports Car

Playoffs: Howard K. Stern Advances; Will Face Family of Ted Williams in Semis